guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
