I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
