if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
