I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
