I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
