Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
