I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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