Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
