my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
