Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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