Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
