No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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