Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
