How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
