Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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