Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
