Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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