i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
