Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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