he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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