My cat gives me a boner
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
