come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
