I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just cropdusted the office
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
