Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
