Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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