Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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