I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
