Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
