He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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