i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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