Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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