come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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