well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
