How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
