the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
