Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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