it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
