Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
