am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
