hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
