She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
