i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
