yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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