Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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