The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
