i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
