Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
