I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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