bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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