the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
