Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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