do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
