The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
