her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
